Tag Archives: men’s safety

Training for actuality of violence

When most people, especially instructors are asked whether they train realistically, their answer is usually ‘yes’. But when you see them do their “realistic stuff”, it seems pretty far and out of touch from reality. It seems that their concept of reality is different from the actuality of it.


Recently, I asked an individual a simple question, “How, would you say, a real violence training should look?” The individual replied in a very cliched way and went on about how the opponent should come at you aggressively, yelling and stuff, etc. I asked him in return, “Would you see it coming?” He didn’t have a proper answer, but yet tried to say something and ended up saying just “Yes”.


Now, here’s the first problem of things with this. Most tend to see these things from a purely physical perspective. Not many seem to focus on the pre-violence situation. No verbal cues, no tonal changes, no physiological changes, no physical positioning, no symptoms of ASR, etc. etc. In fact, most don’t even acknowledge it even exists. Which kinda poses a problem when we are “training for violence”, doesn’t it? I mean if you don’t train to see it coming, what are you preparing for? To get out barely alive and half dead?


So, realistic training? What does that entail? Well, if you ask me, the drills should focus more on the pre-violence cues than anything really, physical aspect of it should not be choreographed, no matter how “aggressive” the other guy is, (let’s be honest here, he‘s really not truly angry or aggressive in most cases). Superficial aggression is utterly useless, you don‘t have to kill them, but all of the pseudo aggressive and “hard” movements are nothing but taps in actuality, are you really gonna learn how it feels to get hit by being tapped on your chest? No, you are not.


Let’s take a situation here, if I am in a big fancy Martial Arts studio, and I’ve been told to rush and charge this guy in order to demonstrate “the harsh reality of violence”, and I charge at him, but the guy knows I‘m coming, ‘cause, you know, He Told Me To! He‘s READY for his “moves”, there is no sudden jolt to his nervous system, no emotional stress, no adrenaline dump, and I didn’t try to get a rise out of him by calling his mom an individual who asks money for pleasure, not to mention, I‘m not gonna actually make contact here, it‘s gonna be an acting show, a choreography with taps that look “hard”.


So my questions are, “Is that really reality?” and “Are we really showing the actuality of it or are we just showing what we think and we want people to think is reality?” I mean in an actual assault or an attack, very rarely people do see it coming, and even when they do, they’re still overwhelmed by the sheer aggression, it’s sudden, our hands are shaking, our legs feel weak, our stomachs are churning and we’re basically too busy crying and asking ourselves questions like, “What the hell is happening?” and “Why the fuck is this happening to me?”


I’m pretty sure, that most who just train for their kind of “reality”, where the guy they know is coming, charging at them without any purpose, without thinking about any of the events leading up to the escalation of the situation and violence, that kind of individual will not only, not see the threat coming, but they will crumble under pressure due to the aggressive nature of the actuality and suddenness of violence, as they won‘t see it coming like they did in their fancy studio. Not to mention, fail miserably to deescalate the violence in the first place due to lack of verbal skills necessary to not provoke the guy even further by challenging or insulting him.


So, my opinion here is that, the best training is something that encompasses every subject related to violence, which includes not only physical, but verbal, psychological, emotional, biological, societal, moral, consequential, tactical and a very important aspect; Legal.


As far as the physical training goes, scenario training is great, but without purpose, it loses it’s purpose, which is to mold your brain to handle and resolve or combat threats if/when you come across them by utilizing our brain’s neuroplasticity. Blindly creating aggressive scenarios without any situational context and escalation, is just inviting more trouble and is not training for the actual thing, it’s just training for more senseless violence. So please, Train street smarts and common sense, rather than senseless violence.


Finally, my question to you, the reader; What are you gonna train for? ‘The reality of violence?’ or ‘The actuality of it?’.


Well, that’s it. Thank you for reading.

Psychopaths and Sociopaths

A thought I’d like to share, it’s a little description of psychopaths and sociopaths and what their basic MO is like, I’ll keep this article brief.

So, to begin, Psychopaths use more of a direct approach by using emotional mimicry and give a false sense of security to their victims, gaining their trust and luring them in, this can be over a long period of time or just minutes, even seconds, depending on their motives, the kind of individual the victim is and the environment they’re in. They’re extremely good at detecting emotional vulnerability and are exceptional at mimicking the emotions of an average individual, even mirroring them perfectly to build rapport with their victims on an emotional and psychological level to get in their psyche and make them get their guard down, via distraction or manipulating the situation in their favor. The victim generally doesn’t detect a psychopath until the damage has been done, but signs can be identified in the interview process of threat identification. Psychopaths, in majority of cases, are asocial predators.

Sociopaths on the other hand, are quite different in their approach, they tend to take an indirect approach by using pseudo charms. cleverly used linguistic cues and micro gestures to influence the thoughts and behavior of their victims towards the direction that would help fulfill their agenda, they are unempathetic to their victims just as psychopaths are and they always look for any psychological vulnerabilities or insecurities in you that they can exploit, once found, they will use them to make you doubt yourself, make you question your self-worth, create weakness and make you lose your sense of self-confidence, self-esteem and will control your actions through their words. The victim of a sociopath, unlike a psychopath’s victim, usually doesn’t realize that they’re victims, even when showed evidence of it, due to them becoming completely dependent on their predator, sociopaths are exceptional liars and manipulators, they use others to do their work and are even protected by those they manipulate, they avoid physical violence themselves, but let others commit violent acts on their behalf. It’s quite hard to spot a sociopath, since they blend in really well, but if you do manage to identify them by detecting anomalies in their behavioral patterns, you can avoid being a victim and their words, like magic, won’t affect you, once the trick is revealed. Sociopaths, in many cases, are social predators.

Both have their M.O, but their end goal is the same, exploitation of their victim’s weaknesses to get what they want from them, whether it’s money, control, promotion, sex or life.


There’s much more detail to it, but these are their fundamental traits to look out for. Hope you found it useful, there’s another article I wrote, related to this topic on how a predator’s mindset works, check it out HERE. If you want to know how to lose a stalker, check out my article on How To Lose Tail. Thanks for reading.

Unspoken rules of violence

Okay, so let me just start by addressing the fact about how the many instructors who teach “RBSD” often state this little “badass” statement in their training. It goes a little something like, “There are no rules in a street fight! It‘s kill or be killed!” Umm…Well, to that, all I can say is, NO! Nope. Not even close my dear misinformed friend. I admit, this is what I used to think too, when I first started training. But as time went by, I found it to be quite untrue.

Let me elaborate more.

First things first, you should know this, since it’s very basic knowledge. The fact is that there are always rules. Rules (Laws) exist everywhere. Whether it’s our society, whether it’s in nature, or our planet, or the solar system or the galaxy or the universe or the space-time itself. Rules exist everywhere. Some are more clear and distinctive and some aren’t that “in your face” clear, but they exist nonetheless, you just need to be educated enough to be able to see them. That’s why we train, whether it’s at a university or in a training session. We train to know, learn and understand those rules.

Just like everything in the universe, even violence has it’s own set of rules. Even though some may fail to identify them, they do indeed exist. But it’s that failure to identify the rules is what creates all of the misconceptions and idealistic mindsets about violence, safety and self-protection today.

So, in this article I’m going try my best to help you understand the “unspoken (but very real) rules of violence”.

You see, the idea that “there are no rules on the street” is not only an incorrect statement, but also a very dangerous concept for anyone to actually think of as a fact. In actuality, there most certainly are rules in any confrontation you face – whether physical or verbal. Even more so than the rules in the ring.

In fact, believe it or not, the most important rule in violence is to prevent and avoid it at all cost, not to “fight or die fighting“ or “kill or be killed“. Even in the Military it’s not the case anymore, it was in WW1 and WW2 though or in most wars, but certainly not in civilian life. Which is what we are. Civilians, in a society with rules, made to maintain order and prevent as much chaos as possible. It doesn’t matter if you wear camo pants, you still are a civilian.

So, moving further, I would like to list some of the rules of violence below for you to know. These are the same things that you might have read about in my previous posts and from many other excellent instructors who do cover the full spectrum of violence.

The unspoken rules (which aren’t so unspoken if you know where to look) include;

  • To avoid and prevent being a victim of violence by any means necessary (No.1 Rule).
  • To behave appropriately (Maintain composure and control anger).
  • To talk in an appropriate tone of voice (Be Polite and Calm, but firm).
  • What to say and not to say to a violent individual who’s looking for trouble.
  • How to behave in front of such individuals (Non-aggressive, but not passive).
  • How to walk in general (Be Non-aggressive, yet strong and confident).
  • What your body language should indicate to potential predators (Not your victim).
  • Pay attention to anything out of the ordinary (Eyes and ears out of your phones/mp3).
  • What to do before and after the incident.
  • What not to do before and after the incident.
  • To deescalate and disengage a threat.
  • To not make a situation worse.
  • How to handle trauma (physical and psychological).
  • To use legally appropriate physical force.
  • Knowing when to use force.
  • Learning the local law (which basically is a big book of rules).
  • Proper way to talk to the police after the incident.
  • How to handle pre and post violence assimilation back into society (Rehabilitation, if the incident was big enough).
  • To handle and look at a ‘bystander intervention’ situation (not just from a bystander‘s perspective but from both subjects perspectives as well, I.e. Objectively).
  • To not intervene in a situation you witness unless you know the whole context (Call proper authorities and get help or you risk becoming the aggressor or victim).
  • Adjust your actions based on the terrain you’re on.
  • Adjust your behavior according to your location (city, state, country, continent) to not break the local laws and offend local customs and be the center of unwanted attention.
  • Be smart if faced with armed threat/s.
  • Be armed and know in depth the uses of the tool you’ve equipped yourself with.


These were just some of those rules. There are many more rules that need to be taken into account for you to be able to deal with and survive violence, no matter how small the matter or how big. These rules apply to basically all situations. Even a smallest argument can escalate to a big incident, and even the biggest incident can be deescalated with proper strategic methods.

One more thing I’d like to add, the above is not a list describing what you should/would/could do, it’s a list of some of the rules and laws of violence and staying safe. To show that rules do exist in violence, and there isn’t just one, especially not the ones you’ve been hearing about and have been led to believe to be the only existing ones.

There is no such thing as, “No rules in a “real“ fight”. The rules do exist and they’re very real and these rules go much deeper than just the titles mentioned above. There are whole books written on them and it’s still not enough to encompass them fully, although it‘s a good start to read those books to know more about them. There’s always something new that pops up and surprises you as far as violence is concerned.

We should learn and understand these fundamental rules first. To make sure that we don’t just punch, kick, elbow and knee a pad in an a/c room and wrestle with a compliant partner and feel safe, but instead we actually need to understand the way these situations occur, why and how they occur and how we can prevent and avoid them or physically (and psychologically) fight our way out of them (if necessary) and actually be safe.


If you don’t acknowledge the rules of violence, you’ll just keep on thinking you can act recklessly in such situations, say anything you want and do anything you think you want to, without any consequences, without any repercussions, and as a result, you will have to pay a hefty price for such a mindset and attitude.

Think of it this way, if you don’t follow ring rules, you get disqualified, but if you don’t follow the rules of violence, chances are you’ll lose much more than a fight. Oh and your life is just one of those things, and it’s not even in the top 3 of the things that you risk losing because of that reckless behavior.

Remember, if you understand and follow the rules of violence, you’ll be able to keep yourself and your loved ones safe and won‘t have to deal with violence just about your whole life, because as I said earlier, you‘re a civilian, violence is not a part of your job or daily life, you have a choice majority of the times, to prevent being a victim of it. But don’t take the rules seriously or learn and understand them, and you’ll just be inviting trouble at your doorstep. But it’s up to you. No pressure.

Well, that’s it. Thanks for reading!

Losing Tail Part – 2

Now continuing from Part-1, I’ll focus on the counter-measures to escape stalkers and certain surveillances as well (similar principles apply).

First, you gotta remember, your stalker is already a step ahead of you, since they know about you. But you on the other hand, have yet to identify them. So you can’t afford to fall behind in this chase or you’ll lose before you can take action.

What do I mean by “fall behind”? Well, for one, be observant (More on Observation below) rather than living in your own world where everyone ceases to exist besides your phone and pokemon apps. That’s a good place to start.

So! Let’s begin with the list now, mmkay?



Like I said, being observant of not only your surroundings but also the people in your surroundings is the first step in losing someone who is following you, without this you‘re never gonna know anything about anyone who‘s watching you, effectively making you lose the battle before it begins. Keep your eyes and ears open and your mind clear, keep calm, not paranoid, learn to notice the little details in your environment, study the normal behavior of people around you, so you can pick up the abnormal behavior with relative ease.



If you’re observant in your day-to-day life, you will be able to pick off odd behaviors from people. Why? It’s simple, while you have been observing people, your brain has been doing more than just observing them, it has been studying the behavioral patterns of average individuals who walk past you everyday. It has been picking up on subtle and obvious behaviors and physical cues that people who go about their businesses normally have. Your brain is familiar with how an individual acts when they’re not a threat. So, if you do come across a stalker, their behavioral pattern will stand out to you as odd and unnatural, which would make you aware of the presence of a possible threat. Now, another thing, whenever you want to turn around to look at your stalker, don’t. There have been many who recommend using a reflective surface to view the stalker, yes, that’s old school stuff, works many times, I don’t question it, but the thing is, we live in 2016, almost everyone have smart phones with HD cams on them, even on the front for “selfies” and stuff, so use ‘em, yeah? That way, you won’t have to try and find a (barely) reflective surface to try and find a stalker who’s probably really good at hiding and look even more unnatural than the stalker following you. But since everyone has their heads in their phones, you being one of them would look much more natural, just turn on the camera, turn it towards you, get it to your face level and look and/or take a picture to confirm the identity of the stalker and to show to the police later. Some also tell you to sit down and look at people, well, yeah, that can work, but again, it depends on the kind of stalker you’re dealing with. In certain cases, you’d just be giving the stalker the opportunity to close the distance between them and you, I mean you don’t know why they’re after you, do you now. You don’t want to leave anything to chance during the identification process (or any other process really). So, keep moving. Now in this day and age, there are CCTV cameras everywhere, well, use them, try walking past a camera or two to catch the stalker’s face, if they’re not wearing something that covers it or in some cases, they’re smart enough to not walk past it, but take another route. Anyway, it’s worth a shot, so you can tell the police about it and they can get to the location of the camera that captured the stalker in action and identify the perp for an arrest. Nothings off the table, especially if the situation demands it. Just assess the situation first and then act accordingly. Which requires a lot of psychological training and experience helps as well. Remember, doing it and reading about it are two very different things. Moving on…



Next, after you have identified the threat, you have to formulate a strategy to lose the stalker. How do you lose them? Well, you make them take their focus off of you or at least make them focus on something else for a while. How do you do that? That depends on the situation you’re in at the time. Improvisational skills come in handy during this process. For example, if you see a police officer, walk up to them and ask for directions, but make sure the stalker isn’t within the hearing range of you, that way, all they’ll see is you talking to a police officer. Which will slow them down, create doubt in their minds about why you would spontaneously talk to an officer. Of course, you can just report the stalker by pointing directly at them and be like…“He did it!!! He’s the stalker!!!” But here’s the (sort of) down side to that. Doing that, would most likely alert the stalker, making them flee, if they‘re at a distance from you and the officer, they‘ll most likely escape successfully. Sure, you will be temporarily free, but they will be more prepared next time, and if the stalker is persistent, you can be sure, they‘ll be more careful so as to not be spotted and more alert of your “moves“ and observational capabilities. Once they know that you know, the element of surprise is not in your favor now. Next…



Confusion is a part of distraction, the distraction should be enough of an attention grabber that it confuses the stalker. After their focus has been taken off you, putting it back on you would be hard especially if you’ve already started moving. You could either lose them in the crowd or at a corner or in a building or at a shop in a shopping mall, you can lose virtually anyone by cleverly timing it and using objects or people that block the stalker‘s view of their target (you).



The confusion is the part where your opportunity is created for you to escape. Before initiating your distraction and creating confusion for the stalker, you need to have an exit strategy prepared. A low profile, but effective exit strategy. Don’t start looking for an exit after the distraction and/or during the confusion or it will just backfire and chances are, you won’t be able escape, instead will return to the previous situation with the stalker still on you. This time they’ll be much more careful not to lose you, especially considering the fact that they almost did and now they know that you’re someone who knows about them, who knows what they’re doing and someone who cannot be underestimated. Remember, if you lose the element of surprise the first time, there usually is no second chance. Lightning doesn’t strike twice in one place, at least not always.



Finally comes the action, now by action I don’t mean find the guy and stalk him back then “kick his ass” for stalking you. You’re not Jason Bourne for heaven’s sake! Nope. So stop trying to be. ‘Action’ is you getting home, calling the police, reporting the stalker, identify the stalker if you can, or at least give a rough description. Or you can also get to a police station directly, to report the stalker in person. Then get home immediately, possibly after checking that you’re not still being followed (yes, there have been cases where the victims were followed by the stalker from a police station, even after they were reported, some are that persistent/daring/stupid/desperate). Then take a taxi or other similar service like Uber or Ola (if you‘re in my country here) rather than a bus or train, wait for the car in the police station until it arrives or stay hidden in a public place (if you didn‘t go to the police station first).
If you’re in doubt of still being followed, (Remember I said doubt, not paranoid) then make sure you ask the driver to drive around your area for a minute or two, see if someone’s following your driving pattern before you get to your destination (house or office). Oh and please, don’t try and confront the stalker like, “Leave me alone you BASTARD!!! I’M NOT SCARED OF YOU!!!” No. Absolutely not. That’s a biiig NO! That’ll be you giving away the fact that you know about their existence. Remember, they shouldn’t know that you know about them till they’re caught or they‘ll escape or become more dangerous and aggressively make their move on you, their target.
Another thing, never try to lure them into a secluded place for what you think would be an “ambush”, even if you have called the police or your friend or someone, things can go real wrong real fast in a matter of seconds. Remember, you’re not Jason Bourne and THIS IS NOT A MOVIE. They might have accomplices, they may have set up an ambush for you instead. They could have weapons or toxic/acidic chemicals. They may want to kidnap you and take you to a second location, which would be an easy thing to do in a secluded place.
Try remaining in a public place where it’s not too crowded and not too secluded, you should see them coming and so should the individuals around you, if the stalker intends to stab you subtly, then over-crowded places with people distracted or excited or focused on something else, places like over-crowded clubs with low lighting, for example, could work to the stalker’s advantage, not yours. But places like a fairly crowded public park or a fairly crowded street in broad daylight could work in your favor of losing them or creating a distraction and confusion, for you to escape.


Final Thoughts

You can practice the above process in your daily life, especially the observational part. It helps a lot if you notice the little things around you. Plus, it’s good for the development of your cognitive abilities.
You see, the thing about stalking is often it’s more psychologically damaging than physically. It happens more commonly than most think. Sometimes, it’s subtle, sometimes, it’s painfully obvious. Whether it’s done officially or illegally, stalking/surveillance, if done enough, it can torment the target more than any other kind of physical torture.
Certain stalking methods can be excruciatingly painful for the target. Especially because they can’t report it, as either there is no physical evidence of it happening or all evidence, if any, is circumstantial. So, stalking is not a matter to be taken as a low-threat act. It’s actually one of the more effective ways to break, scare and manipulate a potential target. Training to avoid being a victim of stalking requires more psychological training than anything else. Train your mind to be strong and resilient and you won’t break down under pressure nor will you have to use your fists, you will come out on top, because you will learn to go toe-to-toe with your tormentor, that is, if you can’t stay ahead of them.


So, Finally! That’s it, this is the end of the ‘Losing Tail’ articles.

I hope you found the information useful. I tried my best to get the info packed in both of them. Any additional comments are welcome… and, as usual, Thanks for reading!

Effects of Adrenal Stress on a human body

When a situation occurs that causes panic and shock, the human body experiences a state of being called the ‘Adrenal Stress Response’. During that time, our body undergoes drastic changes to help us warn and adapt to the situation so we can act/react accordingly to it, in order to survive.


There are a lot of things going on during that time, they happen simultaneously on a cellular basis. The sympathetic nervous system stimulates the fight or flight response. It is definitely a long and complicated list. Down below I’m writing down a shorter version of that list;


Here are some of the effects on a human body that is under adrenal stress;

  • Blurry vision
  • Tunnel vision
  • Distorted Hearing
  • Shaky hands
  • Profuse Sweating
  • Rapid heart beat
  • Heavy breathing
  • Pit in the Stomach (due to metabolism slowing down during fight or flight response)
  • Numbness in the extremities
  • Lack of/Minimal use of coordination and fine motor movements
  • Fear and panic causes impulse and instinct based thinking from the reptilian brain – basal ganglia, rather than emotion-based from the paleomammalian – limbic brain or logic-based from the neomammalian brain – neocortex.
  • Weak/Trembling knees
  • Physical Temperature drop (due to blood draining from unnecessary parts of the body to provide extra blood/oxygen supply for actions during fight or flight response)
  • Time distortion
  • Extreme psychological stress due to the release of 4 major stress hormones; Epinephrine, Norepinephrine, Cortisol and Cortisone.
  • Many have also been known to void their bladders and/or bowels during highly stressful situations.
  • Many lose sense of direction. That’s why many who go through extremely stressful situations, can’t remember their names or tell left from right, if asked in the moment.


There are also certain after-effects of such situations. Some of these are temporary but some of them last quite a long time, this depends on factors such as the psychological resilience of the individual and/or the level of threat of the situation they’re in.


The effects are as follows;

  • Paranoia and Continued Fear
  • Trembling limbs
  • Chronic Psychological trauma
  • Fever
  • Reclusive behavior
  • Loss of confidence
  • Loss of or distorted short-term memory, especially the exact details of the situation.


These are just some of the changes and effects that a human body undergoes during and after a traumatic event. The event that causes stress, doesn’t necessarily have to be violence-related, it can be any situation that would cause enough trauma via psychological or physical means, resulting in the body’s reaction to it.


An example of this would be someone who has been in a car accident or someone who’s had a strong, aggressive verbal argument with someone  or an individual who’s just been on a roller-coaster for the first-time (this is a very low level of stress caused by the hormone; Adrenaline).


The effects mostly wear off after 30-60 minutes due to the parasympathetic nervous system activating  back again and “reversing” – (it’s technically not reversing, but just restoring the body to it’s natural resting state) – the effects of the sympathetic nervous system’s actions during the fight or flight response.

The effects of stress vary for different individuals in different situations, the effects are also based on the levels of stress caused to the individual. For example, someone who has been on a roller-coaster won’t be traumatized for life, unless they have acrophobia of course. But someone who has just been rescued from a blazing building will experience some sort of trauma and might even develop a phobia of fire (pyrophobia) if they don’t seek help after the event.

These effects can be reduced, but not erased, they’re a part of us, no matter how much you train or experience them on a daily basis, they will kick in when you’re in a stressful situation. It’s evolutionary biology. But as I said, training and/or experiencing them regularly can help reduce those effects so as to not let them overwhelm you when you least expect them to.


You cannot control that state of mind and body, but you sure can train and condition yourself to function competently with moderate effectiveness under those conditions to ensure your survival, possibly others survival as well, and save yourself from a long lasting psychological trauma.


This topic is actually a very vast subject of study, but I tried my best to compress as much as I could in one article to provide as much information as possible. Hope you liked reading it and find it useful. Thanks for reading.