Tag Archives: facebook posts

How to spot a sociopath

Here’s how you might be able to spot a sociopath.

Hopefully it’ll be useful for someone who’s been a victim or it might save someone from being one. The victims of sociopaths often suffer more from psychological and emotional abuse more than physical, which is what makes this type, the most dangerous for our well-being.

So to begin, one thing to remember is that sociopaths have a tendency to do small insignificant favors for people. Now, these favors are small enough that they don’t have to truly invest anything in them, but they’re big enough for the one they’re doing it for. They won’t ask anything in return. But your brain will register it as something that you “owe” them. Then when the time comes for them to cash in, they will indirectly play the “guilt card” and will get a lot more out of you than they ever invested in you.

So, if you want to spot a sociopath, observe the behaviors of those close to you or of someone whom you suspect to be one.

Focus especially on the ones who are always nice to you and doing little stuff for you, things that you can do yourself, but don’t and so they do it for you without asking anything in return. It might be that they’re doing it out of the goodness of their hearts, but let’s face it, not many of those around nowadays, are there…

So, start by seeing what kind of stuff they do for you, then one day, ask them for something big, it should be small enough that it’s doable, but big enough that they’d need to actually invest themselves and their time or money or effort/energy in you. See how they respond.

Most sociopaths in this case, will respond with indirectly saying ‘no’, usually by finding some excuse and try to circumvent around your request. They won’t say ‘no’ directly if you’re still ‘useful’ to them, they don’t want to fall out of your ‘good graces’, so they will create some other way to “help”, a way that won’t involve them investing anything in you, but making you think that they did “help”.

Remember, such individuals are the most cunning when it comes to getting their way. They often hide behind innocence and friendship and kindness, which makes them harder to spot. But if you know where to look and how to see thru the charade, you’ll be able to spot them with relative ease. In which case, the next step would be a bit harder, i.e. cutting such toxic individuals, out of your life.

There’s one other kind as well, btw. The type who will ask you to do small favors for them. This type will twist your mind a different way. Doing favors for someone will mean you investing yourself in them and we always tend to hesitate in breaking off from a relationship that we’ve invested a lot in. This type is the one that people find the most difficult to get away from, as they don’t want to leave a relationship they put their mind, body, soul, money, effort, etc. etc. into. ‘The higher the value of investment, the harder it is to let go’.

The world is a messed up, dangerous place with a lot of different kinds of predators. BUT..if you know what to look out for, it becomes a whole lot safer and you probably will never have to face one throughout your life.

 

This is a facebook post turned blog post. Hopefully you found it useful. Thanks for reading.

Advertisements

Sounds

Have you ever listened to the kind of music that makes you wanna get up and dance? How about music that makes you want to do something heroic? How about the kind of music that makes you sad? Nostalgic? Happy? What about the Wonder Woman theme? If you’ve heard it, you know how it kind makes you wanna do something epic. It’s like a motivational music.

Listen to these two variations – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gw_o7XUX3fg https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fctMc6SxVFY Another example is Epic music (that’s what it’s called) like these two – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d2hRTLdvdnk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qwJj2EpC8vg or Nostalgic emotions from Retroelectro and Synthwave – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=85bkCmaOh4o these two just wanna make you go back to the 80’s (90’s in my case) or Cheerful emotions from this fun little song – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZ2_tOoefyU For me, it’s the Mortal Kombat movie intro that pumps up my heartbeatĀ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M0ac6BXGfuA

Of course, this also applies to different sounds besides music. For example, on a more grim note, during a recent explosion, you could hear people scream in the videos (Emotion of Fear due to explosion and emotions of sadness and sympathy due to the screams when you hear them).

Basically, my point, is that all of those different types of music and sounds provoke different emotional responses. But have you ever asked yourself why? Well, the simple answer to this is that sound is the most important stimulus for virtually any living creature with ears or something similar to ears on this planet. Often even more so than sight. Many animals don’t even rely on sight, sound is their only way of “seeing” (Sonar/Ultra Sound).

You see, sounds, any kind, actually play a huge part in not only how we perceive the world around us, but also largely on our emotional state, on how we feel in that moment. It doesn’t have to be music, I’m talking about sounds. It can be the chirping of a bird or a waterfall or a tiger roaring or an explosion or a fast car driving by. Any sound, affects our thought process, in part of course, it changes the way we feel and think in that moment, about that moment.

Another thing you might’ve noticed is how men with deeper voice usually get more attention while talking, while men with higher voice, don’t as much. It of course depends on what each one is saying and other external factors, etc. But our voice, has an impact. It enhances our personality in people’s eyes. Maybe it could be the deep seated sexism, where high pitched voice of a male is associated with women and therefore weak and not worth listening to? Who knows? But no, it’s not that likely that that’s the case, because it’s the same with women.

https://www.theatlantic.com/sexes/archive/2012/12/why-we-prefer-masculine-voices-even-in-women/266350/

http://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/why-women-like-deep-voices-and-men-prefer-high-ones-41492244/

Of course, there have been some further studies to this (even in the dating aspect, the ‘getting more attention’ aspect still stands even in those studies);

http://globalnews.ca/news/2691575/your-deep-voice-isnt-sexy-to-women-but-it-scares-off-other-men-study/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/subliminal/201205/how-we-are-judged-our-voice-in-dating-and-the-workplace

Of course, either way, it still proves how voices affect our choices, our moods, our thoughts and even attraction in social settings.

So, how does this relate to everyday life and Conflict Management and Self-Protection? Well, it relates to how we communicate. It relates to what kind of tone we use while speaking. Verbal communication skills are often overlooked in training and verbal deescalation doesn’t just include saying the ‘right thing’, it includes saying it the right way with the right tone of voice. See, having a deep voice is good, but it’s the tone that you speak in, that affects their opinion of you. Certain kinds of tones, that sound too aggressive, too confident, too controlling, too weak, too indifferent, too unsure, basically anything too extreme on either sides, will affect how a person thinks of you.

Sounds, affect thoughts and opinions and those thoughts and opinions will determine how that person treats you. Don’t take the power of your voice, for granted, learn to harness it. Pay attention to the sounds around you, and remember, if you ever feel down, there’s a lot of good music up there that you can listen to and get motivated. Something to think about šŸ™‚

 

 

Here’s a nice little addition that (sort of) explains the mystery behind such kind of motivational music like the Wonder Woman theme; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z5vQz4Xz6q8

Analyzing a video

Another facebook post/comment tuned blog post, I thought many might benefit from this.

This is in a context of analyzing a video that shows some sort of violence, to study the incident and then later modify our training to adapt to similar situations. This also helps you perceive violence differently than others and your previous self.

When I analyze these videos, I first prefer to know the full story or at least as much as possible about the incident that took place because any analysis without the full story will be filled with my own biases and experiences which will affect the outcome of the analysis.

After I’ve known the story, I usually have the data, the blanks that are filled in the categories of;
1- What instigated the incident?
2- What happened before the actual incident?
3- Who was involved?
4- Why did it escalate to this point?
5- What was the location?
6- What time? (This is often not mentioned though)
7- Which country did it take place in? (Cultural aspect)
8- Ages of the individuals.
9- Backgrounds of the involved (It’s not always full, but enough to make a ballpark estimation).
10- What kind of violence was it?
11- What means were used to accomplish the job?
12- What were the legal and other repercussions of this for both?

After I’ve got the above data, I then look at the incident itself, first from the assailant’s perspective;
1- Pre-contact cues.
2- Verbal cues (If audio is available).
3- Means of violence utilized.
4- Levels of violence utilized
5- Body language of the assailant.

Then I see it from the victim’s perspective;
1- What were they paying attention to before the assault?
2- How long did it take for them to spot the threat?
3- What was their reaction?
4- How quick and efficiently did they react?
5- What were the external factors that would/did hinder them?

Then I finally look for the bystander’s reactions.
1- When did they arrive at the scene?
2- What did they see?
3- How did they react?
4- Did anyone help?
5- What did they say after?

Finally, I put it altogether in my notes and add the previously received full incident data and see where I would fit, what I would be capable of doing and whether it would work for me. Of course, I do this from both perspectives, strange I know, but I first see if I would be successful if I were the predator, then if I were the survivor/victim. Then I add in some additional external factors, remove some factors that don’t pertain to my situation depending on my own location and I come up with possible solutions to these kinds of problems.

Luckily, since I’ve adopted this approach, I’ve been able to, on a certain level, know and avoid certain violence prone areas, so, now I don’t have to use it a lot. Which I think might affect my training, because there is no more testing to what I do. A cruel paradox.

This was specific to me analyzing videos of violence. The principle of getting the core information first then, looking at the presented information, can be utilized for analysis of any video or anything that you analyze and study.

That’s it. Thanks for reading.

Psychological Resistance

FB post turned blog post.

One of the most effective ways to cultivate psychological resistance to your environment is detachment from the factors causing stress.

This is applicable to those who can’t escape their harsh, stressful environments.

Before doing something like that, remember three things though;
1- It’s easier said than done. Takes a lot of forceful avoidance (will).

2- There are extreme side-effects like anti-social behavior, lack of social skills, anxiety, depression, emotional imbalance and loss of empathy, with prolonged application.

3- If not kept in check, i.e. if you constantly keep detaching yourself from everything you ‘don’t like’, you will alter your brain in a way that even the smallest things will cause you to lash out or you will become completely desensitized to all stimuli, including any emotion of joy. It’s only truly useful for those extreme stress situations, not your day-to-day issues.