When it comes to defining violence, most usually define it as occurring between skin color, religion, nationality, gender, etc. Now while those may be the causes and excuses of violence in our society, on a fundamental level, the violence occurs between predator and prey and that‘s how it‘s defined. A predator dominating it’s prey. That, on a fundamental level is the nature of violence.
When it comes to violence, there is no race, religion, gender, etc. There is just predator and prey. Those who use violence as a tool and those who become a victim of it.
Now why am I writing all this? Well, I was reading an article today about sexual assaults and in it, all the blame was directed at men and boys and how “every male is a potential rapist unless they’re educated properly” and I was like, “What the freakin‘ hell?!” Something like that really irritates me and it messes up what sexual assaults are really about. They’re not about gender, they’re mostly about power and control, about dominance over the victim and yes, in certain cases, pleasure too, as in pleasure derived from that dominance and violent acts committed during the assault.
When you write, “Blame the men” “Educate men”, it implies that all men are potential rapists, in that article‘s case, it actually said that. Which creates even more panic and paranoia and even less awareness about the reality of these attacks.
Any sane human, even a child, just ask a child if it’s polite to do something like that, even if you sugarcoat the question, that child will say no. Yes a male child. Even a child knows it’s not a good thing to do, it’s common sense. The problem isn’t educating men, the problem is not educating everyone properly about the reality of things. Blaming just one gender for the crime of a few, isn’t helping anyone.
The headlines shouldn’t read, “Educate men”, it should read, “Educate everyone correctly”. Both genders have committed sexual assaults and other violent attacks (acid, etc.) on the opposite gender and even on the same gender. It’s just that those cases aren’t “advertised” for profit and ratings by the media, because they don’t sell. In this country, those cases aren‘t even taken seriously, and the male victims are laughed at.
The thing is, rapists should be held accountable for their actions, but we, all of us are responsible for our own safety. By saying things like, “They shouldn‘t do that, even if we do this”, you’re basically handing over your safety to the predators out there. You are leaving yourself open.
It’s not about blaming the victim. It’s just about not leaving yourself vulnerable around predators. Would you cut yourself up and then go to a pride of hungry lions with an open bleeding wound? Now if the lions eat you, are they the “bad guys“? Or were you just not careful and smart enough not to do something like that? Am I blaming the victim here? Get the analogy? Yeah, that’s what you’re basically saying. Leave yourself open and a predator will target you and hunt you down, until it gets what it wants from you. Notice I’m writing “It” and not “He” or “She”, why? As I said, predators are not gender specific.
Back to the “educating men” thing, not all men are potential rapists, okay? Let’s just get that cleared up first. There is a difference between A Man and A Predator. An average man, is just another human, trying to do something in his life, just like an average Woman, trying to do something with hers, neither are enemies of each other.
A Predator on the other hand, again, is not gender specific or race or religion specific, it can be a Male or a Female or transgender, etc. etc. and all they want is an easy victim and not get caught doing what they want to their target.
We need to educate everyone, not just one specific demographic about the reality of violence. Oh and that information shouldn’t be differentiated as men vs. women, but predators vs. preys.
Now I know that there are those who actually do put the blame on the victim, but again, that’s because they themselves aren’t educated on the subject. Sometimes even other women don’t believe when a woman claims she was assaulted and even if she does, she doesn’t or can’t do anything about it, because they’re not well-informed on this topic, they don’t know the laws, they don’t know who to go to for these things and how to respond, so most just advise them to stay quiet (not a good thing to do btw, just fyi). Some do know the laws very well and exploit it to frame an innocent due to their personal vendetta and it’s because of those kinds of individuals that many don’t believe the real victims. Start with the individuals who exploit the law to destroy someone’s life. They need to be educated first, with the false claim cases going down, the real victims will be believed more often. Then move on to the others. Educate them on why these assaults happen, how and where they happen and what they can do to prevent them. That’s exactly what the legit self protection instructors try and do, in turn they’re labeled victim blamers.
The thing is, not all instructors who write and say these things are “blaming the victim”, in fact we think that the predators are the ones to blame for the attack, no one asks to be attacked, no one smart and sane at least. All we are doing is providing proper education and information to further prevent these attacks from happening. We hate those predators and want these attacks to stop, but we know they won’t, they can’t be, there is no surefire way to stop them, so instead, we provide information that would at least help reduce these assaults significantly and do what we can to help make some kind of difference in this society. Not blame victims, but help reduce the number of victims created by those predators.
Now another thing, just because the predator is to be blamed for the attack, it does not mean that the rest of us are relieved of our responsibility of personal safety. We are all responsible for our own safety. Handing over that responsibility to someone else, is the worst possible thing anyone could do and when you say, that “they shouldn’t rape” you’re basically giving them the responsibility of your safety, you‘re telling them indirectly that, “we won‘t keep ourselves safe and use prevention methods to protect ourselves from you, instead, you stop targeting us”. Do you think that will work? No self-respecting predator will take that kind of talk seriously. In other words, Predators won’t stop just because you ask/tell/order them to. They don’t care about you or the society and it’s laws. That’s just the way it is. No matter how much you “educate” them, if it’s in their nature, if they have strong predatory instincts and if they’re in an advantageous position and get the opportunity, you can be sure it will happen. Thinking it won’t happen is an idealistic way of thinking, it‘s how you want it to be, it‘s not what it is. That kind of thinking is what creates more victims everyday.
Just think of the lion example I gave above, you wouldn’t go to a pride of hungry lions with an open bleeding wound, then say, “Oh let’s educate them on how not to attack vulnerable prey”, you do that and you’re dead, but you’re smart enough not to, right? So, if you won’t do that, why try and do the same here? It’s not only ineffective, but it’s highly illogical. These are predators, they will look for, hunt and victimize weak and easy targets, it‘s in their nature, it‘s how they work. It’s on us, to not be a potential target for them, to deter them.
Every animal has a defense mechanism to deter predators, they don’t try and educate their predators, instead they form a defense mechanism that automatically “educates” the predator if/when it tries to attack or they take prevention measures that makes them unnoticeable by the predators or makes them look like a hard target, which drives the predators away. It’s the same principle for us, just the strategies would differ.
There’s a lot of misinformation out there, which creates a lot of misinformed individuals who then try to form ineffective solutions to a problem that they don’t fully understand or at all, which in turn does more harm than good. Instead of making males the enemy of the female gender and creating paranoia among women, we should be trying to get both the genders to work together and form proper solutions to fighting off predators and preventing these assaults, predators are the real enemy, not males, we should be helping both genders understand the difference between an average individual and an actual predator, rather than pitting us against each other, create paranoia and make things even worse for everyone. Sometimes, due to that kind of thinking, some individuals actually refrain from helping, fearing that they might be caught in some kind of legal trouble. Which creates another victim. The reason most don’t intervene is because they’re not aware of the laws and rights, add another factor of something going wrong during the intervention and you really do land in legal trouble, police has one job, to maintain the law, they won‘t care if you were trying to help a woman being attacked, they will only care that you bashed the attacker‘s skull in and the attacker is lying in his own pool of blood, you‘re the attacker now, time for jail. So, not having proper knowledge of how to intervene or not knowing whether you should intervene and when, lands you in trouble, not the intervention itself, get it? Good.
Again, educating people on how to identify predators, their behavior patterns and what prevention measures should/can be taken to avoid being a victim is what’s going to help reduce these kinds of assaults. Not spreading misinformation, creating fear and panic for profit and ratings. Hope I got my point across here today.
That’s it. Thank you for reading.